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We've been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's often blindsided by people. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Many of her friends drifted away during that time, as they were drawn to him. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy in our friendship, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, many close to her have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I start subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Politically, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday to a nation I've visited repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her decisions. I've just come back from a month there she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution demands strength and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. The second is to express how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. What you feel belong to you, after all. The third step involves requesting ways you together going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

This can be impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a version about themselves they won't abandon as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have closure knowing you were truthful.